Helping Kids Heal from Trauma

Kaitlyn Hammil
3 days ago
4 min read

As any parent or caregiver knows, even in the most loving homes, life can throw curveballs. Natural disasters, accidents, violence, illness, and even the unexpected loss of a loved one — these are just some of the traumatic events that can rock a child's world.

Trauma Is More Common Than You Think

By the end of adolescence, around 75% of kids will have faced a traumatic event. Trauma isn’t rare — but how we help kids cope can make all the difference in their healing.

So, what exactly is trauma?According to the American Psychological Association, trauma is any disturbing experience that causes significant fear, helplessness, or disruption, with effects that can linger for years. It’s not just what happens to a child — it’s how their brain and body react to it.

Examples of Trauma in Kids Include:

Natural disasters (floods, tornadoes, earthquakes)
Violence or personal violation (abuse, theft, assault)
Political unrest or community violence
Severe illness or the death of a loved one
Accidents (car wrecks, animal attacks)

When a child faces trauma, their fear response system kicks in. This survival instinct — increasing heart rate, sharpening senses, dumping adrenaline — is there to protect us. But after the danger passes, kids sometimes stay "stuck" in survival mode. Triggers can send them right back to the moment of fear, even if they’re perfectly safe.

Why This Matters

Staying in a state of high alert is exhausting for the body and damaging over time. Chronic trauma responses are linked to:

Headaches and chronic pain
Heart disease and stroke
Immune system problems
Digestive issues
Higher risk of chronic illness like diabetes or cancer

As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk writes in The Body Keeps the Score, carrying trauma memories is like carrying the weight of terror and shame every day.

Understanding PTSD in Children

Most children recover well when they get the right support. But when trauma symptoms last more than a month and start affecting everyday life, it could be post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Signs of PTSD in kids may include:

Replaying the trauma during play or thoughts
Nightmares and trouble sleeping
Extreme upset when triggered
Loss of positive emotions
Ongoing fear, sadness, or withdrawal
Denying the trauma ever happened
Avoiding people or places linked to the trauma

Why Some Kids Struggle More Than Others

Every child processes trauma differently. What devastates one child might barely rattle another. But certain factors — we call them healing obstacles — make it harder for a child to bounce back:

Lack of family or friend support
Unstable attachment to a caregiver
Ongoing risk (like still living with an abuser)
Refusing to talk about the event
Severity or long duration of the trauma
Feeling helpless during the trauma
Missing out on early intervention

Unresolved trauma can lead to emotional issues, social isolation, risky behaviors, addiction, and even physical illness later in life.

How Caregivers Can Help Children Heal

Trauma isn’t something you “fix.” You can’t erase a child’s terrifying memory — but you can walk with them through the healing. The goal is to help them regain their sense of safety, calm, connection, control, and hope.

Here’s how:

1. Restoring a Sense of Safety

Trauma shakes a child’s basic belief that the world is safe.

Limit news and social media exposure
Explain how you’re keeping them safe
Keep routines as normal as possible
Ask them what would help them feel safe — and do what you reasonably can

Important: Be honest. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Avoid shutting them down if they want to talk about it.

2. Restoring a Sense of Calm

Traumatized kids may seem anxious, irritable, or on edge.Try:

Deep breathing
The 5 senses grounding technique
Sensory play (playdough, sand, water)
Puzzles, coloring, or time outdoors

Be patient. Calming takes time. Don’t force coping strategies in the middle of a meltdown — teach them when they’re calm.

3. Restoring a Sense of Connection

Supportive relationships are powerful healers.

Spend one-on-one time with them
Encourage visits or calls with trusted friends/family
Organize simple playdates
Try synchronous activities like singing, praying, or group games

Remember: They may not want to talk about their trauma with everyone. That’s okay.

4. Restoring a Sense of Control

Trauma often strips away a child’s feeling of control. You can help by giving them choices:

Let them pick their clothes, meals, or activities
Get them involved in hobbies or sports
Help them participate in community projects

Sometimes they’ll need your help making decisions — be ready to guide without overpowering.

5. Restoring a Sense of Optimism

Trauma can make the world seem dark and hopeless.

Speak life into their future: “You are strong. I know you’ll make a difference.”
Plan things they can look forward to — a movie night, park trip, special treat

Don’t: