How to Talk to Children About Tragedy: A Conversation with Experts

When disaster strikes, the emotional impact can be overwhelming. For children, the confusion, fear, and grief can be especially difficult to process. In the wake of the devastating Hill Country floods, Family Guidance and Outreach’s Education Specialist John Kirby had an in-depth conversation with Adriana McKinnon, Chief Program Officer of the Children’s Bereavement Center of South Texas, to discuss how caregivers can support children through unimaginable loss.

Patience Is Key

"The healing journey is long, and it moves slowly," Adriana explains.

For children, trauma and grief are not one-time events—they evolve as the child grows. A child may lose a parent at age six and still have questions or emotional responses resurface during milestones like high school graduation or starting a family of their own.

"Grief never goes away," she says. "We adapt to it, and we learn how to live with it."

Developmental Awareness Matters

Because children are constantly growing and developing, their understanding of grief shifts over time. Adriana emphasizes that caregivers must be prepared to answer the same questions repeatedly. Children often don't yet grasp that death is final and permanent.

"They may ask the same thing over and over again, not to be difficult, but because they're processing," Adrianna says.

Trauma Affects the Brain

Early trauma impacts brain development in very real ways. Young children, in particular, are vulnerable because their brains are still forming.

"They don’t always have the words to express their grief, so we often see it in behaviors, physical symptoms, or emotional withdrawal," Adriana explains.

Without early intervention, these unprocessed emotions can manifest as truancy, emotional dysregulation, or academic struggles.

"That’s why early support is critical."

Be Honest, Not Confusing

When tragedy strikes—such as during a natural disaster—Adriana advises caregivers to be honest with children using developmentally appropriate language.

"Avoid saying things like 'he’s in a better place' or 'she’s sleeping,'" she says.

These phrases can be confusing, even harmful. Instead, use clear language: "Her body stopped working" or "He died."

Honesty builds safety and trust. Children are perceptive—they already know something is wrong. When adults try to hide the truth, it can lead to deeper confusion and emotional distress.

Timing Depends on the Caregiver

There’s no universal "right time" to talk to a child about death. Adriana stresses that caregivers know their children best. At the Children’s Bereavement Center, staff often consult with caregivers first to understand the child’s age, developmental level, and support system.

"We encourage caregivers to deliver the news themselves, rather than the counselor, so that the counselor can remain a safe, neutral support figure."

Don’t Assume the Relationship Was Healthy

One surprising insight Adriana shared: not every loss involves a beloved person.

"Some children are grieving a parent who was abusive, absent, or incarcerated. We must never assume the deceased was loved," she says.

Grief is complex and layered, and counselors must approach each child’s experience individually and without assumptions.

Training and Cultural Sensitivity

At the Children’s Bereavement Center, licensed professional counselors receive monthly training in trauma-informed care, cultural competency, and child development. The team uses evidence-based approaches like Trauma and Grief Component Therapy (TGCT) to support children holistically.

Cultural sensitivity is non-negotiable.

"We never assume a family is Christian or believes in heaven. We serve families from all backgrounds, and that requires deep respect for different beliefs and values," Adriana says.

A Final Reminder

Adriana’s most important reminder? Grief doesn’t follow a script.

"Every child is different. Every family is different. But what they all need is honesty, patience, and support."

To learn more about the Children’s Bereavement Center of South Texas, visit https://cbcst.org/.

For parenting resources and free classes, visit www.lubbockfamily.org.