How to Talk to Your Kids About Consent (At Every Age)

Abby Reed
Jun 24
2 min read

Let’s be blunt: if you're not teaching your kids about consent, the internet will. Or worse: another kid who learned it the wrong way.

Consent isn’t just about sex. It’s about respecting boundaries, reading cues, and asking before touching, whether that’s a hug, a borrowed toy, or a kiss.

And like most values, consent is best learned early, reinforced often, and modeled consistently.

Toddlers & Preschoolers: "My body, my rules."

Start simple. At this age, consent is about body autonomy.

Let them say no to hugs, even from family.
Teach them to ask: “Can I hug you?” instead of assuming.
Use real language for body parts. No cutesy nicknames.
Explain: “No one should touch your body without permission. And you shouldn’t touch anyone else without asking.”

Pro tip: Praise when they respect a “no.” That’s the building block.

Elementary Kids: "Listen to their words and their face."

Now you can start layering in emotional intelligence.

Talk about reading body language. “What does it mean when someone backs away?”
Practice asking for consent with friends: “Can I borrow this?” “Do you want to keep playing?”
Explain personal space, privacy, and why everyone’s comfort matters.
If they cross a boundary, address it clearly: “She said no. That means stop. Every time.”

This is where we prevent future harm, by making it normal to stop, listen, and respect.

Tweens: "Consent isn't a one-time question."

They’re starting to date, text, and explore identity. This is where clarity matters most.

Say it clearly: “Consent means getting permission every time, not assuming.”
Talk about digital consent: photos, DMs, even group chats.
Help them understand power dynamics (like when someone feels pressured to say yes).
Explain how alcohol, fear, or confusion cancels out real consent.

And make this part of the convo: “If someone ever crosses your boundaries, you can tell me. You won’t be in trouble.”

Teens: "Consent is sexy. Period."

By high school, consent needs to be direct, ongoing, and expected.

Talk openly about sex, not just abstinence.
Teach them to ask things like:
- “Is this okay?”
- “Do you want to keep going?”
- “Are you comfortable?”
Encourage them to be safe spaces for others too, not just “not the problem,” but part of the solution.