How to Talk to Your Kids About Toxic Friendships

Most parents put a lot of energy into helping their kids make friends—but not nearly enough into helping them leave the ones they shouldn’t keep.

That’s where toxic friendships come in. They don’t always look dramatic. Sometimes they’re quiet, manipulative, or just emotionally exhausting. But they wear kids down, chip away at their confidence, and leave them wondering if they’re the problem.

And because kids (especially girls) are often told to be “nice,” they’re more likely to stick it out, make excuses, or try harder to please someone who constantly makes them feel small.

That’s where we come in.

Start by defining what a healthy friendship looks like.

Kids can’t spot a toxic relationship if they’ve never been taught what a healthy one is. So talk about it early and often. Healthy friendships feel safe. They’re built on trust, kindness, and respect. They don’t leave your child feeling anxious, left out, or constantly apologizing for things they didn’t do.

Ask your child how they feel after they hang out with someone. Energized? Included? Or drained and unsure? That question alone can be a compass.

Don’t ignore the red flags, even if it’s just “kid drama.”

It’s easy to brush off friendship drama as normal growing pains. But if your child starts avoiding certain people, withdrawing, or second-guessing themselves more than usual, pay attention.

Some signs of a toxic friendship:

• Constant criticism or teasing that goes too far

• Being excluded from plans or conversations on purpose

• Guilt-tripping or emotional manipulation

• Feeling like they have to change to be accepted

When your child brings up concerns, don’t jump to solutions. Just listen. Validate. And ask how you can support them.

Give them permission to walk away.

This one’s big. A lot of kids think walking away from a friendship makes them mean or disloyal. Especially if they’ve been taught to be kind above all else.

Remind them: kindness doesn’t mean self-abandonment.

Let them know it’s okay to let go of friendships that feel one-sided, manipulative, or unsafe. That outgrowing a friendship isn’t failure, it’s growth. That it’s possible to care about someone and still decide not to keep them close.

Help them find the words.

Leaving a friendship (or even setting a boundary) isn’t easy. But it’s easier when your kid feels like they have a voice.

If they want to say something, help them practice:

• “I don’t like how I’m treated in this friendship.”

• “I need some space right now.”

• “I don’t think this friendship is good for me anymore.”

They don’t owe an explanation, but they do deserve peace.

And then: model it.

Your kids are watching you. How you talk about your own friendships. How you deal with conflict. Whether you set boundaries or let people walk over them.

If you constantly tolerate toxicity in your own life, they’ll think that’s what love looks like.

So model the kind of relationships you want for them. Be honest when you’ve walked away from something that wasn’t healthy. Let them see what strength looks like: quiet, respectful, and clear.

Bottom line:

Not every friend is meant to stay. And teaching your child to let go of toxic relationships might be one of the most protective lessons you ever give them.

Because healthy friendships don’t make your child question their worth. They remind them of it.

Want help navigating friendship struggles, emotional wellness, and social pressure?

We offer free parenting classes every Monday and Tuesday night at 6:30 PM and Tuesday mornings at 10:30 AM.

Learn more at www.lubbockfamily.org