How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce

Divorce is hard. There’s no way around that. But silence, secrecy, or pretending everything’s fine? That’s worse.

Kids don’t need every adult detail. They need honesty, safety, and room to feel what they feel. Here's how to talk to them about divorce in a way that helps them adjust, process, and stay emotionally secure.

1. Tell the Truth—At Their Level

Avoid lies, vague promises, or overexplanations.

Instead, aim for clear and calm:

“Mom and Dad have decided not to stay married, but we both love you and that will never change.”

Stick to what directly affects them: where they’ll live, what stays the same, what might be different.

2. Reassure Them (Again and Again)

Kids almost always wonder: Was this my fault?

Be proactive:

• “This is not your fault.”

• “You didn’t cause this and you can’t fix it.”

• “We’re both still your parents, and we will both always love you.”

Say it more than once. Say it even if they haven’t asked. They’re thinking it.

3. Let Them Feel Whatever They Feel

Anger, sadness, confusion, relief: it’s all normal.

Don’t rush them to feel better. Just stay close:

• “You’re allowed to be upset.”

• “I get it. I’m feeling a lot too.”

• “We’ll get through this together.”

Their feelings may shift by the hour. That’s okay. Keep showing up.

4. Avoid Blame or Oversharing

Don’t badmouth your ex. Don’t make the kids your therapist. And don’t try to win them over.

You can be honest without being damaging:

“We had problems we couldn’t fix. But we both love you.”

5. Keep Routines as Normal as Possible

Stability = safety. Keep bedtimes, chores, meals, school routines, and traditions going when you can.

Let them know what’s staying the same:

• “You’ll still be in the same school.”

• “We’ll still do pancakes on Saturdays.”

Predictability helps them breathe.

6. Invite Questions Without Pressure

Some kids ask a million questions. Others say nothing.

Keep the door open:

• “You can ask anything, anytime.”

• “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk right now.”

And when they do open up... listen first, fix later.

7. Get Support (For Them and You)

Consider counseling, especially if emotions are high or the divorce is messy.

Normalize it:

“Lots of kids talk to someone when their parents divorce. It helps.”

Also, you don’t have to go it alone either. Parenting through a divorce is brutal. Get support that isn’t your child.

Bottom Line

Kids don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who can show them how to walk through it with honesty, love, and dignity.

Need help parenting through tough transitions? Join our free parenting classes every Monday & Tuesday night at 6:30 PM and Tuesday mornings at 10:30 AM.Sign up at www.lubbockfamily.org