Parenting Twins: A Deep Dive Into Raising Strong, Separate Individuals

Parenting twins is often misunderstood. Society tends to view twins as a package deal: the “double trouble” duo dressed alike, inseparable, and expected to share everything from classrooms to interests. But Greg Principato, a father of (now adult) twin boys Luke and Brian, challenges this norm head-on. His approach centers on treating twins as individuals from the start. This is a mindset he insists is critical for their healthy development as unique people.

“Their names aren’t Luke-and-Brian. Their names are Luke... and Brian,” Greg says. “I wanted to raise strong individuals and let them figure out what being a twin meant to them.”

FGO's Parenting Specialist John Kirby recently interviewed Greg about his philosophy and practical parenting strategies: from identity development to discipline, sports participation, and navigating external pressures. If you’re parenting twins, multiples, or just want fresh insight into raising siblings, this is your blueprint.

The Crucial Starting Point: Developing Individual Identities

One of the most common pitfalls parents of twins face is treating them as a “unit” — dressing them alike, enrolling them in the same classes, signing them up for the same activities. Some parents feel it’s important to raise twins identically. Greg disagrees:

“If you treat twins as a single unit, you stunt their growth as people. You don’t let them discover who they are,” Greg explains,

Greg and his sons' mother made deliberate choices to foster individuality from early childhood:

• Clothing choices: “We had them pick out their own clothes starting as young as age 4. Even if they wanted to look similar, they learned to express themselves through their style.”

• Separate classrooms and groups: They intentionally placed Luke and Brian in different classes throughout school, including preschool.

• Family and friends: Greg made sure to have conversations with relatives and close friends to remind them, “They’re individuals, not a unit.” This was critical to resisting external pressure to treat them as one.

The boys eventually established an “unspoken pact” in junior high — they wouldn’t wear the same clothes. This natural push for differentiation became a way for them to claim their personal identities.

“They have unique personalities and interests, and we let them own that,” Greg says.

Why does this matter? 

Twins who aren’t given space to be individuals can develop identity confusion and over-dependence. By helping Luke and Brian find their own voices early, Greg prevented the common struggle twins face of blending into one indistinct identity.

Discipline: Tailored, Calm, and Proportionate

Parenting twins doesn’t mean doubling discipline challenges — it means doubling the complexity. Greg shares that discipline must be individualized and proportional to each child’s actions.

“You discipline them differently,” Greg explains. “But the discipline has to make sense to each kid. It can’t be the same for both if only one did something.”

He also stresses the importance of remaining calm and measured. Greg advocates for clear consequences without emotional outbursts. Greg also emphasizes the importance of listening to the kids:

“Sometimes my son would say, ‘Dad, sometimes we just gotta get stuff off our chest.’ So you let them vent — the rules don’t change, but they feel heard.”

Lastly, Greg shares a hard truth about parenting:

“You have to be willing to disappoint your kids. Being the ‘cool parent’ isn’t your job. My sons thank me now for not letting them have alcohol or hotel rooms as teenagers. Your job is to raise good people, not just make them happy,” Greg says.

Supporting Interests: Encouraging Individual Passions and Healthy Sibling Support

Both Luke and Brian played soccer and baseball as young men. As their dad, Greg had to find ways to support their individual journeys without forcing rivalry or resentment.

“It seemed like it was hardly ever a day when they both had a good day at the same time,” Greg laughs.

Greg’s advice for fostering healthy competition is rooted in encouragement, not pressure:

“They inspired each other to be a little better. They played catch and went to the batting cage together. But if one wanted to go and the other didn’t, that was fine. We didn’t force them,” Greg says.

He also champions sibling support as a family value:

“If one was playing soccer and the other was in theater, the athlete goes to the school play and cheers. The actor goes to the games and cheers. This is a family thing. You don’t really get a choice.”

This culture of mutual support builds bonds and prevents destructive competition.

Navigating External Pressure: Advocating for Your Twins

Outside pressures (from teachers, coaches, family, and society) often push parents of twins to treat them as one. Greg advises firm advocacy:

“Don’t let people lump twins together. Push for different classes and activities. Remind everyone: ‘They’re two different kids,’” Greg says.

Teaching your twins to advocate for themselves is part of this process. Greg encourages building their confidence in owning their preferences.

Key Questions Parents of Twins Face

Q: When should you start fostering individuality?

Greg: “From the beginning — even as toddlers. We let them pick their own clothes by age 4. Separate them in school groups early. Constantly remind family they’re individuals.”

Q: How do you handle discipline fairly?

Greg: “Discipline has to be proportionate and individualized. Don’t punish both if only one misbehaves. Stay calm and consistent.”

Q: How do you help twins find separate interests?

Greg: “Same principle applies whether it’s sports or theater. Support each other’s interests. Build family values around cheering for each other.”

Q: How do you avoid unhealthy competition?

Greg: “Encourage inspiration, not rivalry. Let them practice together if they want, but don’t force it. Celebrate wins separately and sincerely.”

Final Takeaways: Your Job Is to Raise Strong People, Not Identical Copies

Greg’s story is a powerful reminder that raising twins requires intention, patience, and fierce advocacy for their individuality.

• Treat twins as separate individuals from the earliest age.

• Resist pressure to dress or do everything the same.

• Discipline calmly and proportionately, listening but holding firm.

• Encourage and celebrate their unique interests.

• Build a family culture of mutual support and respect.

• Push back on teachers, coaches, and family who want to lump twins together.

• Be willing to disappoint your kids now so you raise responsible adults later.

If you’re parenting twins or multiples, take Greg’s no-nonsense advice seriously. Your job isn’t to make your twins look or act alike — it’s to raise two strong, confident, and independent people who support each other for life.