Understanding Sibling Rivalry: Helping Your Family Find Peace

Sibling relationships are among the most important bonds we form. At their best, they offer lifelong friendship and support. But sibling rivalry can create competition, resentment, and stress that affects the entire family dynamic.

At Family Guidance and Outreach, we work with parents every day who ask, "How can I help my children get along better?" In today’s blog, we’ll explore what causes sibling rivalry, the different types of sibling relationships, when rivalry is at its worst, and practical ways to encourage stronger sibling bonds.

What Causes Sibling Rivalry?

Sibling rivalry often stems from two key factors:

• Competition: Children naturally compare themselves to their siblings and may feel they must compete for attention, achievements, or even basic resources like toys and time.

• Resentment: When a child feels another sibling is favored or treated differently, resentment can quickly build.

Even in the healthiest homes, some level of sibling rivalry is normal. However, when left unmanaged, it can cause lasting tension.

Learn more about the causes of sibling rivalry in this short video: What Causes Sibling Rivalry?

Five Types of Sibling Relationships

Understanding different sibling dynamics helps parents better support healthy relationships:

• The Best Friends: A close, loyal bond where siblings enjoy spending time together and offer emotional support.

• The Rivals: Constant competition, arguments, and comparisons shape their interactions.

• The Caretaker and the Protected: One sibling takes on a nurturing role, while the other depends on their guidance.

• The Estranged: These siblings have little or no contact, often due to unresolved conflicts.

• The Indifferent: Peaceful coexistence with minimal emotional connection or interaction.

Learn more about sibling relationship types here: Types of Sibling Relationships

When Is Sibling Rivalry at Its Peak?

Sibling rivalry usually peaks between the ages of 8 and 12. During these years, children:

• Compare themselves more critically to others

• Seek approval from parents, peers, and teachers

• Develop stronger personal identities

• Experience rapid social, emotional, and physical changes

Siblings close in age or sharing similar interests are particularly prone to rivalry during this stage. However, all families with more than one child are likely to experience sibling competition at some level.

For a deeper look at this stage, watch: When Is Sibling Rivalry the Worst?

Tips for Managing Sibling Rivalry

While sibling rivalry cannot be eliminated, you can teach children to navigate it in healthier ways:

• Encourage individual strengths: Celebrate each child’s unique abilities and achievements.

• Avoid comparisons: Focus on personal growth instead of stacking one child against another.

• Teach conflict resolution: Model respectful communication and help kids resolve disagreements.

• Model healthy relationships: Show patience, empathy, and forgiveness in your interactions.

• Spend individual time: Carve out regular one-on-one moments with each child.

Looking for more strategies? Check out: How to Manage Sibling Rivalry

Final Thoughts

Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up, but with intentional parenting strategies, you can help your children develop supportive, lasting relationships.

At Family Guidance and Outreach, we’re here to support you every step of the way. We invite you to join our free online parenting classes every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday at 6:30 PM Central. Visit www.lubbockfamily.org to register and find more parenting tips and resources.

Sources:

• American Academy of Pediatrics. (2021). Sibling Rivalry: Help Your Children Live Together Happily

• Psychology Today. (2022). Understanding Sibling Relationships

• Verywell Family. (2023). How to Handle Sibling Rivalry