Treading Water: Learning to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome

Margaret Kirby, J.D.
Aug 25
3 min read

It’s official. The guest room is set up for guests only. (That also doubles as a home office.) There are only one or two stuffed animals on the bed. There used to be a dozen. There are never any clothes on the floor. It’s quiet. The walls are white. They used to be orange, then pink. Later, we painted them lavender as a fun family activity.

Now, and it seems like suddenly, our daughter, our only child, is 24.

She’s a parent’s dream. She flew the nest when she left for college and didn’t look back. But we didn’t want her to.

She earned her master’s degree early last summer, Magna Cum Laude, in a joyous “commencement” ceremony. Her life is just getting started. She landed a great first job. She’s independent. And, most importantly, she’s happy.

Her father and I have done our job. So, then what gives us the right to be sad? Nothing. But we both are.

We seem to be floating in the empty next syndrome. Are we crazy? Apparently not in a clinical sense anyway.

One doctor who wrote “Tips for Enjoying Your Empty Nest” on the Mayo Clinic’s website back in 2022 said, “Empty nest syndrome isn’t a clinical diagnosis. Instead, it’s a phenomenon where parents experience feelings of sadness and loss when the last child leaves home.”

That author shares tips for someone experiencing feelings of loss due to empty nest syndrome. They include:

Accept the timing.
Keep in touch.
Seek support.
Stay positive.

Why do those tips all seem easier said than done?

A quick Google search shows authors from Parents.com write about empty nest syndrome quite a bit. That makes sense since they are a digital resource providing parenting advice and information for caregivers at every stage of parenthood.

One Parents.com article from 2024 points out empty nest syndrome is “normal and common." It goes on to describe five of the most common signs of empty nest syndrome. These include:

A loss of purpose
Frustration over lack of control
Emotional distress
Marital stress
Anxiety

The same article suggests trying one of these ideas for how to cope.

Pursue interests you didn’t have time for when your kids were at home
Take a class on an interesting topic
Reconnect with friends
Learn a new skill
Travel without your kids

All of those ideas sound great. Another 2024 Parents.com article called “How to Cope With Becoming an Empty Nester” also suggests that you remember your hobbies and prioritize your own health and well-being. These also sound like great suggestions.

I read over and over again on the internet, that with time, having an empty nest will get easier. But it hasn’t yet for us. We are still trying to adjust.

Of course, our daughter still needs us. We have a great relationship. We gab on the phone often. We go to visit her as often as we can without interfering with her life.

But we still miss her. We’re both struggling with the fact that to some degree, we always will.

The guest room is always available. But when she does come back to visit, the “guest” room is occupied by a guest - a familiar one, of course, but a guest nonetheless. She is an adult with her own life.

We are trying to look at her transition into adulthood as a new beginning for all of us. No doubt about it, our day-to-day normal is now a quieter space.

“Commencement” does not just apply to the graduate. It’s also applies to those who loved swimming in the graduate’s wake.

About the Author

Margaret S. Kirby, JD, is a tenured Assistant Professor of Radio, Television, and Film at South Plains College. With more than 25 years of experience in national media, corporate communications, and higher education, she has worked as a producer at Court TV, taught at Eastern New Mexico University, and practiced law in Texas and North Carolina. Beyond her professional life, Margaret treasures her role as wife to John and proud mom to Claire, which she considers her greatest calling

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